so today was a bummer... not totally I guess. Here is how it went. We are on duty and we woke up with everyone being very cool. I hate rough mornings where I am a grump and I meet my match among one of my teenagers or from my six or eight year old. A very sweet moment was Elissa coming and looking up to me and asking with so much hope in her eyes "Mommy, can I wear a dress today?" I don't know why she asked as we put few limitations on their clothing choices (considering we provide the clothes/wardrobe and all). I smiled and said "sure, as long as you wear tights or leggings". She skipped off. It wasn't that big of a deal but I just appreciated the obedience of asking for something she wasn't sure about.
So once everyone headed out, Adam and I headed to the chiropractor and breakfast with my parents. The chiro is great and has helped me feel a lot better. Today, he had the report from my MRI. I went in with a smile and he said he wanted to really explain my MRI to me. After explaining problems in various vertebrae... he stopped and said this all basically says you have a bad lower back and you are sort of in a gray area with how things will play out. He really helped a lot to explain it all but it just wasn't easy to hear. I was ready to think that I was on my way to being all better. So there were a few things he pointed out and basically left me feeling like there is a great possibility that I will eventually have to have surgery... I appreciated his honesty and straightforward approach. I was grateful for clarity too but really I was just sad... more doctor visits, maybe surgery, no more picking up my little girls.
We left there and went on to see my parents. They are awesome. I mean don't get me wrong.... they are not superheros or anything, but in my eyes, I see them changing. I am just so overwhelmed with love for them for all they have done for me. We could all write volumes about our imperfections and failings but I would rather they forget mine and I forget theirs. So... I updated them on my health issues and saw their concern. That made me sad too because I don't want them to worry about me anymore, it's my turn to worry over them. Adam and I headed home and listened to good music and sat quietly. I felt very weepy and Adam just patted me a lot.
The rest of the day was a blurr of running around, running errands, doing paperwork, sending tons of emails and all that good stuff. Every once in a while some poor soul would ask me how I was doing (or just say "hi")and I probably overdid it with my answers. Once the kids got home, I was very distracted. My day was gray, as is my back condition. I can thank God that it isn't something horrible but man! it is disappointing to feel very healthy and in control of your body's condition and have to realize I am not in control of it at all... It is up to God to heal or not and to keep this in perspective here: all that is going on is not life threatening. There is just maybe the threat of pain and future problems that will not end in this life... I hate sounding so dramatic.